Highland Heights Ohio Patrolman Mark Joseph News & Screws
PATROLMAN  Joseph sucked off an auxiliary police officer on midnight shift!

Vajokey Retires!

Photo: Courtesy Bill Gresham and Mark Joseph


We're still here so FUCK YOU you greasy-headed pedophile!

Photo: Left courtesy Bill Gresham, Right courtesy John Wyckoff


Read all about it on the Dyke Party page! 
With special thanks to PATROLMAN  Joseph for making this possible.


Welcome To All Things Patrolman Mark Joseph!

This Site NEVER Updated On Duty


Mark Joseph, (Un)Professional Asshole

Hey there sthailor!!!


Scene Magazine Revives Archive, PATROLMAN Joseph Lives On!
Send This Link To All Your Friends!!!

Happy Sixth Anniversary, Bitch!

April 23 Marks Five Years Since Scene Magazine Published It's Expose' On PATROLMAN Mark Joseph Disclosing Confidential Information About An Attempted Teen Suicide In Highland Heights.  Let's All Remind Him Of What An ASSHOLE He Truly Is By Wishing Him A Happy Anniversary!!!


A Highland Heights cop & the downside of yapping about a suicide attempt

Wed Apr 23, 2008 at 06:34:22 AM

It must be cool having a cop for a dad. You get to hear his war stories, bring his gun to show-and-tell, and be the first to hear incredibly dirty jokes.


But the best part is that you get the inside scoop on all the dark, private lives of your neighbors – whose dad is a wife beater, which teacher got hit with a DUI, or how many marijuana plants the “retired” dude down the street is growing to “soothe his arthritis.” ...


Witness Peter Joseph, the son of Highland Heights sergeant Mark Joseph. Last week, Dad told him something so so juicy he couln’t help but post it on his Facebook page.

Turns out that one of his Mayfield High classmates had attempted suicide. Wrote Peter: “As many of you may know, my father is a police sergeant in the city of Highland Heights and he gets the whole scoop on most things.”

He went on to detail how the kid and his girlfriend were caught having sex by their parents, who then forced them to have a “meeting.” The kid was so mortified, Peter, wrote, that he attempted to hang himself in his closet. “I will try to keep you posted with whatever comes up on the subject. Unfortunately, he probably did die, but there may be a miracle if we pray.”

The suicide would prove unsuccessful, according to Highland Heights Police Chief Jim Cook. But young Peter had greater success getting Dad in a whole lot of trouble.

Sergeant Joseph is now being investigated for violating confidentiality laws, says the chief. Seeing as how the case involved juveniles, Joseph was supposed to keep his mouth shut -- or at least convince his kid to do so. – Denise Grollmus http://www.clevescene.com/scene-and-heard/archives/2008/06/18/highland-heights-demotes-mark-joseph-the-sergeant-who-yapped-about-teen-suicide-attempt


Standing L. to R. : Jean "School Bus" Buchak, Brian "Helmet" Taylor, Jimmy "Herve" Cook,  Benji Haberman, Keith "My Son is Gay" Woodie, Fred "Bruce Can I Borrow Your Gun" Giardini, Frank "Don't Call Me Frances" Zalatel,  Richard "Dick" Hanslick, and Terry "My Ass Smells Like Piss" Ballash.   Kneeling: Mark Joseph.
Not Shown:
Dropping Out Of High School And Working As A Bouncer At Blossom: Kenny "G.E.D." VaJokey
Randomly Shooting At Imaginary Niggers In Cleveland:Officer Dowdell

Need A Good Laugh Or Want To Fall Asleep Quickly?  Catch Gina Marie McKee On "Stupid Nigger Talk" And Listen To Her Amazing Gift Of Cackling Bullshit On Fake Radio While She Actually Thinks She Is On Real Radio! (copy and paste in your browser)



PATROLMAN Joseph being a swinger


By Rusty Tromboni, Staph Reporter

In early July we sold a Timmy Pitts "I'm Fucking Dead" ashtray and accessory kit (in our Gift Shop)to Al Saluan of Highland heights.  Although we included our standard product warning about the dangers of using this item, it was found strewn about the crash scene and the significance of these items were not realized until now.

(Our comments to the News-Herald article are shown in red).

Driver in fatal crash was local entrepreneur

Al Saluan will be remembered as the man who brought movies back to Mentor (Timmy Pitts brought movies back to Painesville Porn Rentals).

Saluan, 60, of Highland Heights, (Timmy Pitts pretended to work in Highland Heights) was pronounced dead at 6:33 p.m. Wednesday at Euclid Hospital following a car crash, according to a spokesman at the Cuyahoga County Coroner’s Office, (Timmy Pitts was taken to the Cuyahoga Coroners Office).

Saluan was traveling east on Lakeland Boulevard toward East 222nd Street (Timmy Pitts was on the Lakeland freeway near East 222nd St.) at 6 p.m. when he struck the rear of another vehicle (Timmy Pitts had just "hit"  the rear of a dispatcher at his rental property), Euclid Police Lt. Scott Roller said.

He then went off the right side of the roadway, through the intersection and struck a pole (Timmy Pitts drove off the road and hit a fence).

Saluan may have been a victim of a medical condition as witnesses stated he was slumped over the wheel before the collision with the car, Roller said (Timmy Pitts was slumped over but this time he wasn't blowing anyone).

His sister Mary Ann Karam said Saluan was a good role model to her and the rest of her siblings (Timmy Pitts was a good hole model, assHOLE that is).

“He’s a brother that can’t be replaced,” (Timmy Pitts was replaced by Mark Joseph) Karam said. He’s “all you want in a brother — that’s what he is.”

Saluan was known around Northeast Ohio as being a successful entrepreneur who loved cinema (Timmy Pitts loved SKINema).

His passion became his profession as he owned four Atlas Cinemas in the area (Timmy Pitts owned hundreds of pornos).

He came to the United States from his native Lebanon 52 years ago. As a teenager, he got a job ushering at the Cedar-Lee Theatre in Cleveland Heights.

Chris Baxter, director of operations for Atlas Cinemas, knew Saluan since the mid-1990s.

“He is a man who basically had a passion for movies and helping customers and serving customers, and he has done it for many years in Euclid, Cleveland and Mentor,” he said. “He was a dear friend who will be missed. We are a family here and he was important to us all.”

Saluan got his start in 1976 by cutting a deal with the city of Euclid to purchase and refurbish the Lakeshore Theater (Timmy Pitts was fucking a dispatcher in Euclid).

Today, his Atlas Cinemas company owns Great Lakes Stadium 16 and Diamond Center 16 in Mentor, Lakeshore 7 in Euclid and Midway Mall 8 in Elyria.

Karam remembers working for her brother selling candy and movie tickets (Timmy Pitts gave candy and movie tickets to Marty the park retard). She said Saluan took after their father who was very outgoing.

“He strived to be the best. He got that from my dad,” she said.

Mentor Economic Development Director Ron Traub had done business with Saluan on many occasions, he said on Thursday.

“We certainly had a very amicable and professional relationship,” he said. “As an entrepreneur, he brought to the community and maintained the ability to enjoy movies, and whether you go frequently or infrequently, it is a part of everyone’s life.

“He was Mr. Movie in this city (Timmy Pitts was Mr. Marlboro). Without him, we wouldn’t have any screens. He basically brought movies back to Mentor.”

In a Nov. 22, 2006, edition of The News-Herald, Saluan said movies were his life.

“I got here by making this business my whole life,” he was quoted. (Timmy Pitts couldn't mind his own business his whole life)“I enjoy people and take care of my customers. I believe in hard work, service and promotions. I’ve been married to this business for 30 years.”

Staff Writer Jacob Lammers contributed to this article.

Creepy coincidence.......or is it?

I Got Daddy Demoted.  I'm Gonna Get Daddy Fired!

Thanks to the informal survey taken at Home 'O' Days, this site is back.  The pact has been made that we will never, ever rat each other out, and we will continue to express our views about PATROLMAN Joseph and The Shitty of Highland Heights in this forum.

Caught On Tape! PATROLMAN Joseph Helps Himself To Pie At Denny's
(S)Pie Photo Catches Douche Bag In The Act

dad at dennys taking pie
PATROLMAN Joseph helps himself
to a "free" piece of pie at Denny's

By Rusty Tromboni, Staph Reporter

Thanks to our insider at Denny's Restaurant on Wilson Mills Road, PATROLMAN Mark Joseph is shown helping himself to yet another "free" piece of pie from the pastry case.  "That saggy-titted motherfucker is unbelievable" said our source whom spoke to us on condition of anonymity.  "He waltzes around here like he owns the place eating whatever, whenever and wherever he pleases".  And according to our insider, pie isn't the only entitlement PATROLMAN Joseph thinks is his. "Straws, napkins, sugar packs, knives and forks, coffee cups.....if it isn't nailed down, in his mind it's his".  Continued the source "One night we had to keep grabbing  up silverware as soon as each customer was done eating because there wasn't much to go around.  We couldn't figure out why we were so short" said our source.  "When that greasy headed vaj-reflector walked out to his car, so many knives, forks, and spoons fell out of his pants leg it sounded like 9 Chinese moms calling for their kids in a windstorm".  When reached at his rabbit shit infested home for comment about the pie, PATROLMAN Joseph said they wanted him to have it.  "They want me to have this pie" said the ballsy PATROLMAN with a mouthfull of, well, pie. "Then why do they leave it out?  Huh?  For me, Rusty, for ME!"

Editors note: What an asshole

PATROLMAN Joseph Drives Highland Heights Police Car Into Light Pole
Douche Bag Was delivering Suck-Up Coffee

By Rusty Tromboni, Staph Reporter

HIGHLAND HEIGHTS, OHIO-In his never ending quest to get popularity suck points from the members of his shift, PATROLMAN Joseph drove his patrol car head-on into a light pole behind a business on Alpha Drive while getting them coffee about 2 years ago. "He was doing about 10 miles an hour, with a front seat full of coffee for us, when the asshole drove smack into a light pole" said an officer that requested to remain anonymous due to Jimmy Cook's vindictive nature.  "My coffee was all over the floor.  The cross-eyed fuck (Joseph, not Cook) can't do anything right, not even get us a Goddamned cup of coffee" he continued in disbelief.  "What an absolute fucking tool.  What is this bitch good for besides getting us hairless vaj pics?"  According to his written statement, PATROLMAN Joseph, whom was a sergeant at the time prior to his being demoted for disclosing confidential information about a teen suicide attempt to his son, whom then broadcasted it all over the internet on his facebook page thus getting his father demoted, didn't see the pole directly in front of him because he is wall-eyed. "People think I'm cross-eyed, but  I'm not" wrote Joseph.  "If I was, I know I would've seen it.  But one eye goes to the left and one goes to the right and the pole was in the middle, that's how I missed it" he continued. "In kindergarten they called me Wally The Walleye and Sammy The Simeon" Joseph lamented.   "How he drives around town is a mystery to me" said a police witness to the crash.  "Maybe that's why his head is always turned sideways as if looking out the window.  We thought he was just checking out the kids on their bikes".  The  police car sustained a few thousand dollars in damage, not including the pie and coffee all over the interior.  "I tried to dab up the mess with my ass napkins" wrote the cross-eyed/wall-eyed fuck " but the ones with the wings aren't as absorbent as the ones I usually use".  Ass napkins? We don't even want to know.  GOOD JOB YOU WORTHLESS FUCK!

Joseph Still Not Fired
  Asshole To Remain On Police Department Into 2009

By Rusty Tromboni, Staph Reporter

HIGHLAND HEIGHTS, OHIO-To the chagrin of his co-workers, PATROLMAN Mark Joseph, best known for his illegal blabbing of a confidential teen suicide attempt resulting in his demotion from Sergeant to PATROLMAN, has still not been fired and will be around to ring in yet another new year.  "It's absolutely tragic", said a fellow employee that spoke on condition of anonymity.  "Not just the hair and catcher-for-the-dart-team-face, but the fact that that douche bag doesn't qualify to be a security guard, let alone a police officer in the finest police department in Highland Heights".  When contacted at home for  comment, PATROLMAN Joseph said that Detective Wykoff was the finest police department in Highland Heights, blurted "Go fuck myself" and hung up the phone.  Yes, PATROLMAN Joseph continues to fuck himself which should make for an interesting 2009.

PATROLMAN Joseph's New Year Resolutions:

* Cut back to no more than one pie per week

* Increase  departmental backstabbing by at least 50% by gaining more pretend friends, keeping book on them, and then getting them suspended by sliding notes about their transgressions under the police chiefs office door at night

* Consult a hair stylist

* Try to contact Timmy Pitts via seance to find out his BAC at the time of his death, then try to get him retroactively disciplined

* Take the sergeants test

* Swallow more, spit less (which should help me on the sergeants test)

* Find out who befriended my son, then monitored my sons facebook and discovered
that I was telling my son confidential police business which my son broadcast over the internet, and then that person(s) called the press and told them what my son was doing, and the press called my chief and told him that my son was telling the world the confidential things I was telling him, and I got investigated, suspended & demoted, and get that person fired

* Find a job where I can make up the 10 thousand dollars a year I am losing because of my demotion to PATROLMAN

Congratulations To Timmy For Being Dead Another Year!
(for Christmas send me cigarettes and a telescope)

(from hell)

Sponsored by Philip Morris

News Flash:Our Condolences To The Wyckoff Family

Click For Obituary

Tromboni Joins Our Staff
"Trusty Rusty" To Head Investigative Unit

From Staph And Wire Reports
ICHENBACHEN, GERMANY-We are proud to announce that world famous investigative journalist Russell Tromboni has joined our team at  All Things Patrolman Mark Joseph!Tromboni comes to us from our sister publication NoraNews!.  While there, he earned the name "Trusty Rusty" because he was never known to compromise on a story no matter how debilitating to it's subject.  Tromboni is credited with breaking the wildly popular NoraNews! "Squirt and Switch" story where Nora was found to be squeezing her lactations into empty half-and-half cartons and returning them to Catalano's for a refund.  He also posed as a dishwasher for NoraNews! at Denny's while wired with a camera to catch Nora receiving a handoff of various "free" pies. The resultant critically acclaimed video piece "The Handoff Job" showed just how easy it was for a PATROLMAN to rearrange the pies on the rack like a shell game, eventually handing one off to his wife whom then hands it off to her children, then they shuffle it outside to a 25 year old pontiac.  "The Handoff Job" has sold 25,003 copies, outselling "Piece Management" by 25,000.

Tromboni has been assigned as the head of our PATROLMAN Mark Joseph Misconduct Investigative Unit (PMJMIU).  The PMJMIU will be working many stories related to the misconduct of PATROLMAN Mark Joseph.  Please join us in welcoming Rusty to our staff, and stay tuned for many, many fantastic Mark Joseph stories from our very own Rusty Tromboni.





Scene Magazine Does Follow-Up Article On This Bitch, Mentions & Links To This Site.
Click Here For Link To Scene Article

From Scene Magazine:

Highland Heights demotes Mark Joseph, the sergeant who yapped about teen suicide attempt
Wed Jun 18, 2008 at 10:34:43 AM

"Hosing your dad's career is educational and fun!"

Something tells us Peter Joseph has been grounded indefinitely. Perhaps even had his driving privileges revoked.


The son of Highland Heights sergeant Mark Joseph, Peter gave Dad an early Father’s Day present a few weeks back when he posted on his facebook page that a schoolmate had attempted suicide. To make matters worse, the kid divulged his source unprompted, prefacing the info with, “As many of you may know, my father is a police sergeant in the city of Highland Heights and he gets the whole scoop on most things.”


Yo, son: stop snitchin’. ...


Mark Joseph is a sergeant no more. As confirmed by Highland Heights Police Chief Jim Cook, Joseph has been demoted to patrolman. Asked if there was something more than the confidential leak that had Joseph reprimanded so severely, Chief Cook hedged: “Let’s just say he was demoted and leave it at that. I wouldn’t want to comment any further. The confidential information was part of the charges.”

As an aside, if you’re in the mood for some wierdness, check out this obsessive anti-Mark Joseph page. Its creator seems somewhat pleased about he demotion news. Like, maniacally so. – Gus Garcia-Roberts
Thank you Scene Magazine for exposing this piece of shit! 

Please don't forget to visit my sponsor:

This will be my new uniform patch.  I don't have any yet, but the chief promised I will get some if I screw up one more time.  
Plus, I'll get pepper spray and light blue shirts! He's so dumb he doesn't remember that I started here as an auxiliarist so what's the big deal.

Here is a video of a cross-eyed fuck.  Oh wait, that's me.  I have no idea how someone got it and how it ended up on youtube.  Can you tell by my eyes where the reporter is standing?  I don't know either; but what I do know for sure is that there was a group of grade-school boys taking a tour behind her.  Oh, and I know you are probably wondering how my eyes got this way to begin with.  I was playing 3-stooges with my brother and I forgot to block his fingers with a karate chop.  He poked me in the eyes and it spread my eyes apart.  Then he slammed a salad bowl over my head and cut my hair with sheep shears to make me look like Moe Howard.  I'm not sure if it worked, but the Middlefield police stopped me once to see why I didn't have a red lantern on the back of my car.

Please don't forget to visit another one of my sponsors:

This is how I used to do my hair.  As you can see it is quite complex but necessary for me to achieve the undetectable seamless look I sported.   I doodled this on a kotex while the chief and lieutenant were threatening to fire me for disclosing confidential information about a juvenile suicide attempt....blah blah blah blah blah....

Here is a link to a video I starred in.

06/26/08 Over ONE THOUSAND visitors to this site in 1 day!  WOW! Check the stats page.


A Sincere Thank You To The Many, Many People That Made This Possible.  Yes We Can!

It has been reported on 2008 11 June to this website that Mark Joseph was officially demoted to patrolman.
All media have been advised.

Patrolman Mark Joseph. 
Photo Courtesy of &*%$@!*&%#$?+

  Above is a drawing I received because of the following story. It was given to me by the victims parents.  They said their kid made it in an art therapy session when asked to draw out his feelings about the policeman that couldn't keep his mouth shut about his suicide attempt.  I think he hates me.

Disclaimer:For entertainment purposes only.  Some of this site is opinion.
Not intended to threaten, harass, or annoy.
This website is NOT produced by Mark Joseph, duh!

The last comments on this page:
Comment posted by Michael Simmons, Richfield PD, 05/17/2016 at 3:38am (UTC):
Peter can show you and how to start a charity, SHOP FOR A COCK.
Lil' Peter is very used to shopping for cock.

Comment posted by Webmaster Peter Joseph, 01/04/2014 at 10:39pm (UTC):
Allison Hines and Sally Sue will be answered on the comments page

Comment posted by ANswer to Allison HINEY and Sally BLEW, 01/03/2014 at 7:42pm (UTC):
Kim Riley beat me to the last case of Vodka at the State store. She also got the last greasepaint pen at the Halloween Store. She's just a scuzzy cunt. Actually, you both are too. Scott Divoky yourselves.

Comment posted by Pharmd741, 12/29/2013 at 4:44pm (UTC):
Very nice site!

Comment posted by Pharmg126, 12/29/2013 at 4:43pm (UTC):
Hello! feeafbb interesting feeafbb site! I'm really like it! Very, very feeafbb good!

Comment posted by allison hines, 11/12/2013 at 12:47am (UTC):

Comment posted by sally sue, 11/08/2013 at 5:10am (UTC):
why do you find it necessary to slam good people like Kim Reilly? What has she ever done to you?

Comment posted by Angela Waites, 12/27/2009 at 4:51pm (UTC):
Who Is Angela Harmon?

Comment posted by tom waites, 12/18/2009 at 12:31am (UTC):
Coming Soon, Rusty Tromboni Investigates: PATROLMAN Joseph A Thief!!!

Comment posted by ha ha ha, 10/31/2009 at 2:59am (UTC):

Comment posted by melvin larson, 02/03/2009 at 12:57pm (UTC):
i'm still hanging around for the neck-breaking news. Where is it?

Comment posted by W, 01/23/2009 at 3:49am (UTC):
I signed your pardon; did ya get it?

Comment posted by Not Mark Joseph, 01/15/2009 at 11:59pm (UTC):
I only know about super pies, sorry. :-

Comment posted by jimmy d. greek, 01/13/2009 at 3:21am (UTC):
I heard you're an expert on bowls, what is your prediction for the super bowl?

Comment posted by I Smiled In Your Face Again Bitch!, 01/10/2009 at 8:09pm (UTC):
Happy New Year Bitch!

Comment posted by I Smiled In Your Face Again Bitch!, 12/31/2008 at 3:10am (UTC):
Merry Christmas Bitch!

Comment posted by Denny's Restaurant, 12/19/2008 at 12:44am (UTC):
Enjoy the free Christmas pies PATROLMAN Joseph

Comment posted by Thanksgiving Day, 11/27/2008 at 10:46pm (UTC):
Please pass the rabbit

Comment posted by Denny's Restaurant, 11/27/2008 at 4:29am (UTC):
Enjoy the free Thanksgiving pies PATROLMAN Joseph

Comment posted by Officer Smiley, 11/25/2008 at 2:28am (UTC):
I smiled in your face again today you fucking BITCH!

Comment posted by The Victim, 11/14/2008 at 1:38am (UTC):

HAHA because of me you're a PATROLMAN!!!!

Comment posted by Mr. & Mrs. Park retard, 11/01/2008 at 8:49pm (UTC):
PATROLMAN Joseph, what was that little hairy thing you tried to put in our son Marty's mouth when he went to trick-or-treat at your house???

Comment posted by:11/01/2008 at 8:39pm (UTC)

Hi everyone I wanted to be the first person to use this comment feature since I am the first Highland Heights Police sergeant to be demoted to PATROLMAN. Muah!

Add comment to this page:
Your Name:
Your message:

  Since Mark Joseph blabbed confidential information about a teen suicide, there have been 91412 visitors (240276 hits) to see what an asshole PATROLMAN Joseph is!

Disclaimer:For entertainment purposes only. Some of this site is opinion. Not intended to threaten, harass, or annoy. This website is NOT produced by Mark Joseph, duh!
=> Do you also want a homepage for free? Then click here! <=